John Stamos found it "really difficult" to write about his first marriage to Rebecca Romijn in his upcoming memoir, "If You Would Have Told Me."
The 60-year-old "Full House" star began dating the supermodel-turned-superhero actress in 1994. They were married in September 1998, and he filed for divorce in August 2004.
"My first marriage was shattering to me. I was shattered for way too long, too," Stamos told People magazine. "I mean, a year, okay, good. But it went on [for] years and years."
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While Stamos was writing chapters in his book, he was challenged by memories of the past.
"In my mind back then, she was the Devil, and I just hated her," he said. "I couldn't believe how much I hated her, and it ruined my life.
"Looking back, and I talk about it [in the book], because it's one of the steps in AA where the fourth step is you lay out all your grievances, everything that people did to you. I go like, 'None.'"
Fox News Digital contacted representatives for both Stamos and Romijn.
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Through the process, he was able to recognize having "some part" in the demise of his first marriage.
"You start thinking, it's like, 'Oh, she wasn't the Devil. Maybe I was as much to blame as her.'"
The "General Hospital" star said that Rebecca "was trying to make it work because she cared" about him before they broke up.
"It was very public, and that was very painful. I didn't write much about that, but it's hard," he said.
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"It was very much the opinion that she dumped me because her career was going great, and mine wasn't, and that's humiliating," Stamos said.
"I don't blame her for it. It was just the perception that people took, and maybe they weren't wrong. She was doing great at that time, and I wasn't."
When John and Rebecca broke up, she was riding a career high as one of the stars of the popular "X-Men" movie franchise, with multiple film projects in the works.
Romijn admitted on "The Talk" last year that the decision to divorce was "heartbreaking," but she still had "really fun memories" of Stamos.
"Going through a divorce is terrible; it’s awful," Romijn explained on the show to her current husband, Jerry O’Connell. "I was with him for 10 years. Divorce feels like a failure . . . and there were a lot of things that I had to let go of that were very sad."
O'Connell, who married Romijn in 2007 and has two kids with the supermodel, noted that her relationship with Stamos seemed "fun" to him.
"I have a lot of really fun memories," she responded. "I have a lot of fond memories of him. A lot of things about him that I miss. But yeah, it’s tricky. It’s a very hard decision to come to when you decide to end a marriage. It was heartbreaking."
Stamos told People that his coping process following the divorce "was not healthy."
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"That's when I really started to kind of drink a lot," he said.
"But without that, I never would've known what a real love is, and I would've never straightened up to get someone like Caitlin in my life."
Stamos met model Caitlin McHugh in 2016, and the couple married at the Little Brown Church in Studio City in February 2018. They have a five-year-old son named Billy.
"If I didn't go through all the things, all the heartache, I wouldn't be who I am today," Stamos said. "That's what I hope people take away from it."
