A man who returned the expensive gift he bought his sister for her wedding after she repeatedly snubbed his longtime girlfriend during the wedding planning process was completely within his rights to do so, an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital.
"My girlfriend Naomi and I have been together for over a decade," wrote Reddit user Recent_Exit1536 in a July 14 post on Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked others about his dilemma, "AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?"
He also wrote, "My younger sister, Sarah, and my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were."
While not overly close, the two did have a positive history together, said Recent_Exit1536.
"When Sarah was in high school, Naomi helped her out with some personal things," he told others in his post.
"When Sarah announced her engagement to the family, she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little, but Naomi was very excited because she's never gotten to do it before and probably won't have the chance," said Recent_Exit1536.
He said his sister asked his girlfriend to join her bridal party "about two seconds after she told us she was engaged."
The man also wrote, "She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched."
A few weeks later, however, the sister posted pictures online of a "bridesmaid proposals brunch" — without the man's girlfriend in the group.
"Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly, but clearly she'd changed her mind," said Recent_Exit1536.
"Naomi was hurt but said she understood because she hadn't expected the ask anyway."
While the man said he and his girlfriend were fine with her not being in the bridal party, the sister's strange behavior apparently continued.
"A few months later, Sarah asks Naomi to go to the bachelorette party and also come get ready the day of with her friends and bridesmaids," wrote Recent_Exit1536.
Naomi was involved in the planning process for the bachelorette party, and "even helped her find a good place to go and [find] a rental."
"A month-and-a-half before the wedding, I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she mentions that Sarah's at her bachelorette ... [with] no mention of it to Naomi," he said.
This made Recent_Exit1536 angry at his sister — "Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted."
The man also wrote, "A week before the wedding, Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready and hair and makeup, and Sarah responds acting confused and basically tells her nicely to just come with me."
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This made Recent_Exit1536 even angrier, he wrote. At that point, he decided to return the "really expensive baking mixer" that he had bought his sister as a wedding present.
"My mom had ruined the surprise, so she expected it," he said.
"But after everything [that happened] with Naomi, I felt like being petty — and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer."
When the sister noticed that the mixer was not among her gifts, she texted Recent_Exit1536 saying, "I don't know how to ask this, but what happened to the mixer?"
The man wrote, "And I responded, 'I didn't know how to ask, but what happened to treating my (girlfriend) like a freaking human being.'"
This text response from Recent_Exit1536 made his brother, brother-in-law and mother all upset, and they accused her of "ruining her happy time."
Wrote the man on Reddit, "Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn't have done that, but she feels a little vindicated."
"I might be the a--hole because Sarah was expecting the fancy mixer, and I was definitely being petty," said Recent_Exit1536.
He added, "I suppose I could have communicated with her better, but Naomi told me not to, and I didn't, so that could make me the a--hole too."
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In an update to the post, Recent_Exit1536 said that talking to his sister made things even more confusing.
"She said when she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid she meant an ‘honorary’ bridesmaid," said Recent_Exit1536.
"She then said for the bachelorette party Naomi had told her she works most weekends, so she didn't think that Naomi was able to attend and was just helping her to plan. [Yet] Naomi said that she told Sarah to give her dates so she could take off."
The girlfriend, however, previously asked Recent_Exit1536 not to bring up the bridesmaid snub or bachelorette party — as she is a "very non-confrontational person," he explained.
Regarding "the makeup thing, my sister said that Naomi had told her she would do her own hair, so she didn't see a reason for her to come get ready with them," he wrote.
"My sister is still [angry] at me and says I ruined her honeymoon period (she's not on a trip) and some other really crappy stuff, so I just hung up on her," he said.
"She also said that not giving the mixer was rude to her and her husband, which is hilarious," as his brother-in-law does not cook, said Recent_Exit1536.
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Florida-based etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, told Fox News Digital that the brother of the bride was fine in returning the mixer before giving it to his sister — but that he was also "in way over his head."
Said Whitmore, "There are two sides to every story. We are reading only one side."
She added, "This issue is clearly between the girlfriend (Naomi) and the sister (Sarah) … Naomi should have had a conversation with her future sister-in-law if she felt snubbed, hurt or slighted."
Whitmore said, "It wasn’t the brother’s place to step in and say something unless Naomi asked him to do so. This was clearly a miscommunication issue."
A discussion between the two women could have eased "a lot of this tension," she said.
"Regarding the mixer, the brother has every right to choose what he gives his sister for a wedding gift," said Whitmore.
"The fact that the mom ruined the surprise was another issue. She should have never spoiled the surprise by saying something to her daughter."
Whitmore added, "Choosing to return the mixer was his prerogative. If he had given the mixer and then took it back, this would have been wrong. But it didn’t happen that way."
Further, Whitmore believes it was "wrong of Sarah to confront her brother about the mixer."
"She should have graciously accepted his gift and kept quiet," she said.
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Reddit users largely agreed with Whitmore's take on the situation.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" good replies and "downvote" those they do not find helpful.
Most of the 2,000 or so replies to the post sided with Recent_Exit153's decision to return the mixer.
"NTA — I wouldn’t have even given her a check. I would have bought her a whisk or a spatula, and told her, ‘Oh, Mom must have been confused, just like you were when Naomi asked you about getting ready.’ But I am petty like that," said a user named "duckingridiculous" in one of the top comments.
Said another user, "Comfortable-Sea-2454," in a top comment, "Your sister treated your GF like garbage and didn't deserve the expensive gift. I personally love your level of petty," the user added.
Another user said that the sister exhibited a "'90s teen movie mean girl level of evil."
Said user "NiceButton7, "Actions have consequences. You still gave her a [check], which is beyond generous of you."
